Life Examples

Our emotions can sometimes be volatile, swinging effortlessly from contentment to bitter envy or from euphoric happiness to biting anger. All Christians struggle with the battle of who will be in control: the self-centered "flesh" or the Spirit, who infuses us with gentleness, patience, and self-control. (Galatians 5:17-25)

Not only do we have to deal with our own feelings and behavior; we also have to know how to respond to the emotions of those around us. You might experience the verbal hailstorm of a co-worker pushed over the edge by a demanding boss. As a parent, you may be surprised by your toddler's fierce explosion about a forbidden piece of candy, or confused by your teenager's outburst stemming from a broken heart. Either we can allow these emotional windstorms to suck us in, or we can act as agents of God's grace, restoring calmness and safety.

In 1 Samuel 25, we find the story of a woman who exhibited godly wisdom in the face of foolishness and raging tempers. Abigail demonstrated the healing influence we can exercise when everyone around us is behaving poorly—a godly influence that is desperately needed in our homes, our churches, and our communities.

In God's Word, Abigail is described as "intelligent and beautiful in appearance." Unfortunately she married her polar opposite. Her husband Nabal, whose name actually means "fool," is said to have been "harsh and evil in his dealings." (v. 3) Abigail's spouse was also quite rich and evidently very selfish with his wealth. In fact, his tightfistedness later ignited a fiery response from the future king of Israel.

David and his 600 men had been hiding in the hills, trying to elude a jealous King Saul. While in seclusion, these valiant soldiers were graciously protecting local shepherds and their sheep from bandits and wild animals. Nabal and his household benefited from their watchful care.

When David heard that Nabal was sheering his sheep and preparing for a celebration, he sent some men to collect a customary payment, instructing them to approach the landowner with due respect and humility. But Nabal insultingly refused to send David and his entourage any token of appreciation, and the messengers returned empty-handed. Nabal behaved true to his name.

It is noteworthy that in both chapters surrounding this story, David humbly spared the life of a man who was bent on taking his. Though King Saul continued to behave badly, David honorably refused to kill the man God had anointed as leader of Israel. In these two episodes, David conducted himself well, but in his dealings with Nabal, the future ruler came undone.

Not only did David answer in haste to Nabal's slanderous remarks and selfishness; he also went overboard in his response. He and about 400 men rode in to slaughter Nabal's household. Perhaps in David's continuous attempts to do the honorable thing, he had taken about as much as even a good man could handle.

Abigail must have already proven herself to be compassionate, levelheaded, and resourceful, for a distraught servant immediately ran to her with the news of his master's shameful behavior. Not hesitating to become involved, the mistress of the house gathered up a bountiful feast for David and his men, saddled a donkey, and ventured out to face trouble head-on.

As soon as she saw David, Abigail dismounted and fell on her face before him. The soon-to-be king may or may not have been instantly taken with her outstanding physical beauty, but her humility caused him to stop in his tracks.

After insisting that the blame for Nabal's foolishness fall on her shoulders, Abigail requested permission to speak and asked David to listen patiently. (v. 24) While begging for him to demonstrate restraint, she continuously showed him honor and respect. She addressed him as "my lord" on eight occasions and referred to herself as his maidservant almost as many times.

Abigail assured David that while Nabal mockingly asked, "Who is David?" she knew very well who he was. He was the future "ruler over Israel." (v. 30)

Throughout her plea for mercy, Abigail reminded David of who he was and where he was going. This wise lady kindly but firmly steered him away from thoughts of retaliation by recalling Gods promise of "an enduring house." (v. 28) While David seemed focused solely on immediate revenge, she reminded him of God's plans for his life. She encouraged him to look past his momentary anger to his future.

The Bible is sprinkled throughout with accounts of God both calling forth storms and causing them to cease. But in this passage, we see how God used Abigail to calm a storm of a different nature.

So often when people around us explode with destructive emotion, be it anger or jealousy, self-pity or impatience, we find that they have somehow temporarily lost their way. The here and now can be all-consuming, and problems easily get blown out of proportion. Abigail's example shows us how to re-cast a vision for the hurting person so that he or she can once again see things from God's perspective.

Abigail could have chosen to treat David as the enemy, a man charging toward her household with revenge burning in his heart; instead, she chose to regard him as a man of God who had momentarily lost his way. David lost his temper, his composure, and his sense of right and wrong. Abigail helped him to find these again by confronting him in humility and speaking to him with respect. Her humble posture, gift of grace, and affirming words gradually opened David's raging heart so that he could hear her refreshing words of reason. Might people in our circle of influence be more willing to listen to our counsel if we first pave the way with humble respect?

But Abigail didn't just demonstrate how to treat others who have lost control of their emotions; she also showed us what to say to them. She simply and reverently spoke truth. Abigail reminded David of his God-ordained destiny as king of Israel. She gently convinced him that the Lord would provide for and protect His chosen while easily disposing of David's enemies. Finally, she reminded David that it would not be wise to needlessly shed blood or avenge himself. These truths may have stung David's raw and emotional heart at first, but, like ointment applied to an open sore, they soon began to heal his wounded pride. When emotions are high and logic is skewed, truth is our best choice as well.

Is it any wonder that David, completely taken with Abigail's wisdom and beauty, responded to her with blessing and heartfelt appreciation? The Bible goes on to tell of Nabal's death by God's hand and the Israelite leader's marriage proposal to Abigail, but the happy ending is most evidenced by the softening of David's heart and the preservation of his integrity. Because Abigail bravely stepped forward with humility and truth, the storm winds subsided, and a king fulfilled his destiny.

—By Kay Harms