When I was ten, there was a brainy little eight-year-old who rode my school bus. Stevie wore the same clothes every day, and he had such a lisp he couldn't pronounce his own name. Morning and afternoon, the big, tough kids in the back row stole Stevie's books, pinched him, and called him names until he cried. I made sure I teased Stevie tooI figured as long as I was laughing with his abusers, I would not become their next victim.

     One day, though, before the buses were called, my teacher informed me I had been chosen for a special mission: I was to become the buddy of a younger child on my bus, to sit with him every day and make sure he got on and off the bus safely. I felt honored at first, until I found out my new charge was Stevie.

     My first tour of duty was a terrible day of reckoning for me. As the other kids stared in shock, I sat silently beside my new young friend, begging God to forgive me for not defending him sooner. I asked the Lord to protect us both from Stevie's tormenters, whom I now feared too. Christ kept us safe; He also began to challenge me to be a warrior for His will.

     Although my teacher astutely understood Stevie's situation was serious enough to warrant taking action, too many people in positions of authority write off such malice as "kids being kids." However you label the taunting, jeering, and ostracizing of weaker children, it is anything but harmless. Author Frank Peretti remembers the painful years of adolescence in his book No More Bullies: "We buy into [our abuser's] program of lies and humiliation. Before long, we begin thinking, I'm no good. I'm dumb. I'm a shrimp. That's what the bullies say, so it has to be true! Tragically, we can go through the rest of our lives believing those lies." 

     Do you know a child like Stevie, who is being picked on at school? Or a child like I was, who needs an extra dose of courage? Here are a few things I've learned about living with bullies:

THOSE BEING ABUSED MUST SPEAK UP

     It is imperative that someone in a position of authority be made aware of any abusive situation, no matter how minor. Clinical psychologist Frank Cummings of Appleton, Wisconsin, says that if your child comes to you with a problem, that's a great sign. It means the communication line is open. He encourages parents to "liberally reward" their children for confiding in them.

ADULTS NEED TO BE INVOLVED

     Dr. Cummings recommends that parents listen well and then decide on a plan of action, such as alerting a teacher or another parent. Continue to monitor the situation, checking back with your child about the problem and any pain it might be causing.

     Since it is easier for bullies to take advantage of an isolated child, try to help your child make friends. Christ didn't pick His circle of friends based on their popularity, but on their loyalty and suitability for His purposes. If your child is being excluded at school, plan a special outing for him and a buddy of his who is not in the excluding clique.

     Extracurricular activities are also a great way to make friends. Encourage your child to get involved in an activity at which he excels. Maybe he will join the stage crew for the school play or throw shotput for the track team. Don't flinch if his choice isn't what you would have selected for him.  

STRONG KIDS CAN PROTECT THE WEAK

     Barbara Coloroso (The Bully, the Bullied and the Bystander) says adults can help to build strong kids who are neither bullies nor victims, and to "create opportunities to 'do good.'"  My teacher did just that for both Stevie and me by making me his bus buddy. As his protector, I gained confidence that kept me from being bullied as well as an ethical perspective that kept me from picking on anybody else. Serving others shows harassed kids they can be leaders, and it teaches bullies they can be good.

CHRIST IS THEIR ARMOR

     Reassure your children that they are not alone Christ is right there on the bus or in the schoolyard, and He personally understands what it means to be mocked and rejected. (Luke 17:25) Remind them that God is "a very present help in trouble" (Psalm 46:1) and that a silent prayer for assistance can be offered during any crisis. (Nehemiah 2:4) Jesus' example provides additional instruction He could resort to righteous anger when the situation called for it, but usually He remained calm and dealt with His detractors through intellect and logic. (Matthew 22:15-22)

     As painful as peer persecution may be, remember that God doesn't waste our suffering. This is a good opportunity to teach your child about praying for the bullies and victim she knows. (Matthew 5:44) An adverse situation can be just what the Lord uses to teach a young person about His faithfulness and the power of prayer.

Jane Shippen

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