"Man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart." 1 Samuel 16:7

 

 

    "We're always communicating," says Lisa Bevere, "whether we intend to or not." She categorizes communication by three criteria: what we say, what we do, and what we wear. That's right - what we wear says a great deal about who we are and what we aspire to be.

    Bevere never intended to speak out on the topic of women's dress. A mother of three boys, she was rarely concerned about the issue. But her focus shifted when her pastor requested that she talk to a group of teenage girls about sex. The experience broke her heart. She met young women without guidance or protection who practically fed themselves to boys for affection and attention. She saw girls who were trapped inside bodies they despised, being controlled by forces too sinister to battle.

    By encouraging girls to dig deep within and answer the question, What do I really want, Bevere offers a candid and effective critique of the seductive clothing with which so many young women identify. She encourages girls to ask themselves: Do I want a guy that sees me as a conquest and has no interest in me beyond my ability to meet his sexual needs? Or do I want someone who is intensely interested in me as a personsomeone who truly loves me and wants to spend the rest of his life with me?

    Every girl wants a prince, Bevere contends, whether they admit it publicly or not. Those who smirk at the fairy tale notion do so only because they have learned to associate dreaming with disappointment. When asked about frogs and princes, little girls who haven't been desensitized always choose the prince.

    So how does a girl get Prince Charming? Not by emulating Britney, Christina, Madonna, or the compromised women pop culture offers as role models, that's for sure. "People are often more influenced by what they see than by what they hear," writes Bevere in her book Kissed the Girls and Made them Cry. "When we understand this, we can use this power to our advantage and communicate our intentions effectively. We don't want to send out mixed messages and sabotage what we really wanted to say."

    For example, if you want a boy to appreciate you for your talent, mind, and spirit, don't tell him you are cheap and easy by the way you dress. Dress says alot, it may reveal more than you intended to make known. Indecent clothing may betray a low self-image, a lack of trust, or a sense of disenfranchisement. Is this really what you want to communicate? Is the way you dress an accurate reflection of who you are, or are you just posing?

    "It is as though men are constantly being taunted by sexually aggressive women on everything from magazine covers to billboards, not to mention the gyrating divas of music videos, all daring in unison, You want a piece of me? You can look at me, but I am always going to be just out of your reach," writes Bevere. "These images remain in their minds, but since they can't get their hands on the women in print or on television, they go for the posers."

    When a girl dresses to arouse sexual desire, she does not win. She losesher honor, her strength, and her dignity. She is conquered. That is why the way we present ourselves is so important.

    There is a woman much braver than any illusion portrayed in Abercrombie and Fitch ads or MTV videos boys do not want to use her; they long to be worthy of her. She is a giver of life, not a taker. She is clothed in wisdom, and her apparel is always lovely. She doesn't invite men to be base and aggressive, but instead encourages them to be tender, careful, and wise.

    "Every man wants the woman to see him as a prince," Bevere says. "And there is more to a prince than base human desires. What do you inspire? You don't want a man to just use you for sex; you want a man to share his whole life with you. Men like women that inspire them to be more. A prince will always come looking for a princess."

    The Bible teaches us: "Do not let your adornment be merely outward arranging the hair, wearing gold, or putting on fine apparel rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God. For in this manner, in former times, the holy women who trusted in God also adorned themselves." (1 Peter 3:3-5nkjv)

    In a seminar Bevere presents, she challenges girls to take a look at their wardrobes and ask the Holy Spirit to be their fashion consultant. "Your enemy wants to strip you, make sport of you, and merchandise your body," she writes, "but your heavenly Father wants to clothe you with beauty, strength, dignity, and honor that will endure."

Staff Writer